It’s the tenth anniversary of Taylor’s first hit single and she’s just officially nabbed a mega-hot rebound hunk. How can I be that awesome?
I love her. I love her latest album. I love how she refuses to be shamed for falling madly in love with ill-fitting, older men. I mostly love how she manages to take heartbreak (crippling for most of us mere mortals) and turn it into lucrative, chart-topping, booty-shaking tracks.
She once said to Parade in 2012: “I think every girl’s dream is to find a bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore.”
I mean, hello, she’s a damn genius! When you meet a hot new guy, you listen to Style. If it’s going well, you get all mushy and put on Love Story. Then he cheats so Trouble is on repeat. He calls you and you tell him you’re Never Ever Ever Ever Getting Back Together. She’s got a song for every moment you need.
But who has a song for her? What is Taylor Swift listening to right now?
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’d know she just announced her break up from Calvin Harris, and that the tabloids just announced (via a classic grainy paparazzi image) that her beachside steamy rebound is Tom Hiddleston. Safe to say she’s probably not listening to Calvin with Tom hanging around. Does she even listen to music though? Or does she just make it? Does she sleep like a normal human being or is she actually a cyborg sent to this earth to remind me about my New Year’s Resolutions to work out more and take my makeup off before I go to bed?
The tabloids are shaming Taylor for moving on too quickly, and I know they’re doing that because it sells a few papers, but Taylor just bought another multi-million dollar house. Amber Rose says Taylor “doesn’t need time to let her vagina rest”, which is a hilarious way of commenting on all the unnecessary shade being thrown at a woman who’s having a steamy rebound that will almost certainly result in another fantastic hit song in a few months.
It’s easy to Shake It Off when you’re chilling out in your Rhode Island mansion, right? In that song she says: “I go on too many dates, but I can’t make ‘em stay. That’s what people say.” But whoever those “people” are, they’re missing the point.
When you’re climbing from Jake Gyllenhall over to Calvin Harris then up to Tom Hiddleston, who on earth would want them to stay.
At a concert in 2009 she said: “You grown up and realise that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realise the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he’s not easy to spot. He’s really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.”
Give it 6 months (or less, if my cyborg suspicions are correct) and you’ll be thanking Taylor for ignoring the haters, throwing her heart out again, then offering it to us in a multi-Grammy-award-winning-album. What a woman.